to be overcome in this order: 1) facial hair-solution? electrolysis. 2) facial shortcomings such as nose, face lines and skin texture-solution? cosmetic surgery and hormones and 3) voice solution? a good teacher and loads and loads of constant voice practice. Impossible? Not at all. Looking back at things I wrote some years ago I cannot help but see that my big mistake was to think that- -as Sheila puts it in the last "Fem- me Forum❞—the maturing TV reaches a sort of partnership in which He and She work harmoniously together. Perhaps Sheila is right. Perhaps some TV's do manage to reach and KEEP that balance. I reached it and kept it for a long time, but I did not foresee that "balance" and "harmony" imply two equal forces that must REMAIN equal. Once one of the two grows too strong, the other must per force give ground and the balance is shattered. I had managed through the years to be that "more effective person" that Sheila describes. But in recent months I began to notice that my "effectiveness" as "he" was deteriorating and that "she" was definitely becoming more effective than he.

At this point I'd like to throw in a bit of self analysis. I suspect that among the many factors that broke the balance I must blame the fact that Susanna has received TOO MUCH ACCEPTANCE from friends and relatives alike. The fact that, almost unanimously, everybody agrees that Susanna is much more likable than her brother—that she is definitely much more fun to be with--that she is a nicer person than he is—that they much prefer "her" company to "his"-this fact, I repeat-must have played a very strong part in destroying the balance. Looking at it as objectively as I can, it seems to me that no human being would be able to ignore this wide gap between her and him. Putting it in different words: the thought must have crossed my subconscious mind: "everybody seems to think that I am a better person as a woman than as a man—it must be so—and therefore-why continue to be a man when I could be a woman.' This discovery must have been extremely painful and destructive to the inner man—a discovery which "she" gladly exploited to her own ends. Of course I do not mean to imply that this was the only factor involved, but it must have helped to create the unfavorable balance for him.

It is then rather ironic to think that all my struggles towards full acceptance from others have resulted in a situation which would have been just a "silly thought" ten years ago. What has actually happened inside of me? It is an extremely complex picture that confronts me when I try to search for its individual components. As you all know I have always tried to be a TV perfectionist. I've held-and still do the theory that when one undertakes to do something—no matter what—one must try to do it well. This, I've felt, is particularly applicable to TV's.

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